Anger Management
Sunday, May 6, 2007
Book I'm currently reading: How to deal with ANNOYING People.-What you can do when you can't avoid them.
Conflicts. Conflicts. Conflicts.
Conflicts happen in varying degrees and forms everyday in our lives, but one thing i've learnt:
Never take a conflict personally
Taking a conflict personally equates to hurt. When someone passes a not so nice remark about you, and you actually brood over it, that's equivalent to taking the conflict personally. Often times, overreaction to a situation is a sign that we are reacting to something beyond the actual situation, and probably at a hurt. Now, that's called taking a conflict personally. Here is an illustration:
A shepherd was trying to drive a seemingly stubborn flock of sheep into the sheep pen. The shepherd ranted at the top of his voice and spanked them in hope of getting them into the pen. However, they refused, and instead ran all over the field. So what did he do? He gave up, sat on the ground and started sulking all day long. Then came along another shepherd with his flock later in the day, and with mother-like gentleness, calmly guided ALL his flock into the pen.
What the former shepherd failed to understand was that sheep are frightened by loud noises. Had he gently led his flock instead as the latter shepherd had done, he would have had his sheep in the pen in no time.
Now, that was the problem with the shepherd. He overreacted, by ranting and then sulking all day long. The actual situation did not require him to raise his voice at the sheep, nor sulk all day. He was responding to something beyond the situation at hand, and was probably responding to his anger and frustration at the stubborness of his sheep.
Taking a conflict personally blows up the conflict at hand, and only makes the situation worse. Therefore, it is very important to assess the conflicts we face, and do a stock-take of beginning with ourselves. We can do this by:
- Taking a step back for a breather from the conflict
- and ask, "Could i be in the wrong in this conflict?'
In all conflicts, no one party gets the full picture at any point in time. If they did, it wouldn't be called 'conflict'. It takes two hands to clap. That is why it is so important to assess the conflict we face, firstly starting with ourselves. For proper conflict resolution, it starts with humility being displayed. Humility breaks down the wall of pride that exists within us, and the question 'Could i be in the wrong', will lay the stone for reconcilation.
Therefore, don't take conflicts personally.
Posted byjohn leow at 9:27 AM
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